Well last night when Master got home from work he finished the pole that attaches to the back of the slut board. he put a dildo on it and then it kept it inside of me while i was chained to the rings on it. Its not very comfy to lay chest down for a long period of time on my knees with my ass up in the air but the point of the thing isn't for my comfort its for his entertainment so i didn't complain while i was bound to it.

i knew the "during" the harder spankings i would regret asking to work on my endurance for harder and longer spankings... i was right lol. There were a few smacks in the end that made me light headed but i made it through without begging him to stop so i do know i'm improving for my endurance because in the beginning when we first started me back on a 24 and 7 lifestyle i would have cried and begged him to stop at a spanking far less rough than that. my ass burned for about 2 hours after that spankin ^^. He still is only using the paddle and hand mainly... the flogger well... cheaply broke last night. I wonder how long it will take me to be able to handle a belt ^^

Ok so no i've never been one to say i'm into anal sex.... but as i've said in the past it's something that my Master wants so..... well last night when he had the dildo in my butt while i was chained down he came up behind me and started to play with my clit and i swear i came like 8 times all in a row i was going insane... i just started begging for him to fuck me even though i knew since i was on my monthly that it was gonna be in the butt.... i have to say that is the first time that i felt competely into it ever. It hurt like a few times when he would go in all the way but at that point i didn't even care it just felt so good what he was doing to me *blush.

Master hasn't used the hitch that attaches to my collar yet. i have to say i'm a little nervous about it. Once he decides to do that my already limited mobility on the board is gonna be even worse, guess i'll just have to see how it goes when he does it. ^^

All in all my slut board my look a little rough around the edges homemade wise...but it's highly effective at keeping me at bay and bound close to my Master while he is playing world of warcraft. It's kinda weird though i have such mixed feelings about it. i don't like it because a lot of the time i'm strapped to it i'm left only with my thoughts in uncomfy position... but at the same time i'm wet thinking about being Master's toy when he decides to get up and play with me and that i'm stuck there in ready position till he is ready. i guess that means i love a lot of the things i hate... does that make me a wacko? i feel like one sometimes... like last night when Master was making my ass hurt with the harder spanking... i thought i fucking asked for this? lol i did ask for it and during i hated every smack that sent burning pains and made my knees go weak as i was standing up and bent over. When he was done though i was smiling and proud that i made it through it and loved the hot pain that evenly covered my ass. For years now i've been mostly independant and hadn't been a slave since i was very young. i've always been so torn about craving someone to dominate me completely. i love my independence why do i want to have it taken away from me... why do i like to be forced to do things i don't like much or don't like at all? did my first Master and Mistress train me so well that i will never truly want my independence? my Master gives me a lot of liberties... some days i wish he would take most of them away from me and force me to be more of a slave... then sometimes when he expects me to completely submit i'm in panic mode and feel like putting on the breaks and say no no no i can't i don't want to please please please lets just do this for fun and i want my freedom.

i wonder if the many years now of independence and freedom have ruined me for being the kind of slave i crave deep down to be or if Master will be able to make those feelings go away with more training... who knows i guess it is just something i have to find out.

i have a lot of fears though. i know Master hopes that i settle down to the level of submission i was at when Bill and Kat owned me. What if i'm never able to get back to that level of submission. Will Master be disappointed and not want me anymore if after time i'm unable to do that? Or does Master enjoy these spikes i have where i'm in panic mode and i fight it? i think my biggest fear of all is not living up to his expectations of me. i love him with all of my heart and i can't even imagine being without him now that we are together and no longer separated.

I told you guys that I would post a pic of the new thing Master was building...it isn't done but all is missing is the pole that is gonna be at the back of the board which when on will be able to hold items in my pussy or my ass or both if he so decides. The board is designed to keep me bound and in toy mode for when Master is playing on his computer. We tested out the being bound thing last night ...it works really well ^^.




The ring that you can see is the one that attaches to my collar with a chain and lock







The board is only long enough to force me to be in a doggy style type of position either on all fours if he leaves enough slack in the chain for me to get in that position or for me to be knelt with my chest and face down low to the board. It's evulllll. But i have to admit it was hot when he had me all bound to the board on the floor and grabbed my hair to force me to give him a blow job *swoons I'm a lucky slut indeed *wicked grin

i tell my Master about a certain slave's posts that i avidly read because i look up to her especially with the level of pain she seems able to endure. Last night we were talking and i told Master that although there are things that she does that i don't think i'd ever be able to endure (ie: cutting... rouchhhhhies!!!) that i really want to work on the being able to handle longer and harder "whoopins" i know Master does enjoy the making my ass red ;) soooooo we are gonna work on my ability to endure the harder spankings ^^ i'll probably regret this request during the spankings of course lol but for now i'd really like to work on it :D

Well, i've been a lot less exhausted now so training has resumed to improve my slave skills for my Master and etc... This weekend... Bondage endurance training.

ok so i REALLLLLLLLLLLY hate having my arms tied behind my back...it truly feels like they just aren't supposed to go in that position... but i'm devoted and Master loves my arms to be bound behind my back. i'm actually pretty damn proud i lasted nearly 2 hours the first time with my arms not only behind my back but i even requested Master to get a clip and to make it to where my wrists were kept close together making me unable to move at all to get comfy. my legs were spread as i'm face down over a mound of pillows so that my ass is nice and up in the air to make it and my pussy available to play with... arms behind my back... and then the legs spread and bound so i had a bit of room to stretch them out but for the most part knees are bent and ankles are up in the air going towards my wrists. Of course while he played with me everything felt amazing...but when he wasn't playing with me and was at his desk playing his game... i was aware of every discomfort... every itch...good god it's amazing how tortuous an itch can be or a hair blowing over your face because the ceiling fan is going and you cannot reach up to brush it away. He didn't gag me this first time. I think maybe to make sure that if i couldn't hack it anymore that i could tell him. i was doing great until... OMFG my feet started cramping in the arches...wth... never had them do that and if anyone knows why or a way to keep that from happening again please oh please tell me how to fix that from never happening again. It made me cry worse than any spanking i ever got... seriously OUCH!!!! i think i would have made it past the 2 hour mark had my feet not cramped up like that.

The second day of this wasn't for long but well "it's that time" and although Master isn't squeamish about playing with me during that time...he definately seems to just want to get gratification over...get cleaned up and be done with it. Don't get me wrong he does make sure that i get gratification as well...but we don't play near as long when i'm in that "phase of womanhood" I hate the monthlies with a passion.

Home Depot... my Master loves this store now. Ok so we have a flat piece of wood left over from making the futon more stable... Master has an idea although he wants to suprise me with the outcome...but the materials he bought are 5 pieces of chain... 5 hitching rings, a shitton of padlocks and some scary looking clips...its like super clothespins even having a finger in it hurts.. i'm assuming those are for something other than to put on my body cuz i know Master wouldn't hurt me like that... I'll get a pic of the final product when he is finished with it... I think its to chain me down by his computer for when he does raids...that way if they wipe out or etc...he has his toy right there to play around with when he waits for them to reform or what not...we shall see...but it sounds EVUL... i'm adhd and hard for me to stay in 1 spot long... so yeah it will be an endurance thing for me... entertainment for Master of course. Betcha if i bitch at all the gag goes on... ^^

Oh and i finally graduated from the buttplugs and Master was finally able to take in in "the other hole" like he wanted... it actually didn't hurt too bad and was enjoyable after a few mins... thank goodness cuz i been dreading the anal thing for a bit cuz it's always really hurt for me for as long as i can remember.

Of course butt plugs still need to be worn here and there Master likes for me to have them in at least daily...

ok now for the humiliating part... Vegetables... Master played with me with vegetables a couple of times this weekend...one of them i dunno how he even got it in me... of course i moaned like a bitch in heat as he used them on me...elicting him to ask me if i enjoyed servicing vegetables ... no brainer answer for a slave : Oh yes Master please fuk me more *moan *moan *moan He was proud of me.

2nd humiliating part... I hate "water sports" the poop thing well that is just a no go for me at all ugh...no way thank god Master has no desire on that...but he did want to piss on me... well he tied my hands behind my back and had me kneel naked in the tub... he held my chin up and proceeded to do the deed. it really didn't feel sexy at all but i really wanted to please him so i calmly knelt and looked up into his eyes submissively. After he was done... it was clean up time... I asked him if he dug it.. his answer was i didn't enjoy it as much as i thought i was going to... YAY! first time i was glad of a "i didn't really enjoy that" kind of answer from him. Of course who knows it may not mean it won't happen again he might reserve it for humiliation or training or punishment... which of course since it can't "hurt" me i won't argue or etc.

Punishment... ok so Master wants me to quit smoking i went for a couple weeks without cigarettes and then flipped out on him... i actually felt so bad about it and told Master to please let me make it up to him on the weekend which is why training took a more extreme form and there was a lot of endurance to be done... part of which was the spankings... he bought a new thing... flogger... it kinda hurts if he hits me just right with it but usually it just makes sounds...but he wooped me with the paddle like no other time... i actually almost cried a few times... OUCH. I still owe a lot of spankings though... prolly will till the end of next year... i was pretty horrible during my sick time and then the trying to quit smoking time.

For about the last week or so i have been very very ill. The teeth i've made reference to in earlier posts actually became a "life threatening problem" i just went through surgery last monday and now have an incision on my throat where they had to drain infection out. Quasimoto of the face and neck was exactly how i looked it was awful. Leave it to my wonderful Master that never once did he ever make me feel unattractive. i think that is one of the things that makes me love him so much is that even on the "bad" days he makes me feel like i'm the most beautiful creature on the earth. It's nice to feel loved like he makes me feel loved. Sex has still been wonderful when i've had the energy to be a part of it heh. But he has to be gentle atm and well we just aren't used to that. i feel so bad that he can't really grope and twist me around the way he normally does but at least glad that he still seems to enjoy sex the way that we are able to at the moment. He's been spoiling me rotten too. Tonight... well i'm frecking sick of soft food specially since most stuff that taste good is sweet. i have never been one for sweets much and been finding myself eating jello, pudding, milkshakes... BLECH. well tonight i got glimmers and stars in my eyes when i looked at the big sign of the restaraunt down the street from us... i thought OMG OMG OMG guacamole isn't sweet and its " mushy" my Master hadn't slept last night he had military duty and he'd been up all day and my first selfish thoughts were beg beg please Master get me some guacamole omg i want it i want it... As he started to walk into the house to put shoes on and get wallet i said wait wait wait omg... i said i'm a selfish asshole... you haven't even slept at all baby... never mind... well he went anyways. it almost brought tears to my eyes how touched i was that despite how he felt he walked all the way to that restaraunt and brought me a container of mushy nachos and guacamole... i picked out all the nachos that the cheese and beans had made soggy and then slowly nibbled the guacamole away and you know what!!! it was heaven!! not as good as nookie but wow damn near there considering the fact i haven't really ate anything solid in about 2 weeks sept for a few won ton noodles at uncle bao's the other day. Yet another sweet thing he did for me.

It's strange being adhd i've always had such an abundance of energy...till that surgery. I wonder if it's possible for them to surgically remove yer adhd ;) jk i know it isn't possible ;). i just feel so weak. i can't even sit down at a game long without feeling extremely exhausted.

Here is a laugh... i like to be tied up... i love to be dominated... but check this subby out at a hospital ward when they tell her she can't get 10 min of fresh air off the ward she is stuck on. i was cussing them out yelling throwing a damn tantrum... 2 days after Master saw that... he sat and talked to me saying if i really felt stir crazy at the apt and wanted to take a walk during the day he would no longer forbid it. He said he never wanted me to feel trapped like he saw me feel at the hospital. i was a mean ass crazed bitch there i swear lol. i think it scared him to see me freaked out like that.

i feel bad though i know he's been so worried the past couple of weeks. He knew i got sick when we were separated but i never really went into detail about how bad it makes me feel or how sick i really have been. To actually physically see how sick i have been many times over the past couple of years... He even made some comments like how did you ever get through this so many times. It's like he was in awe and heart broken at the same time. i just answered i wasn't joking when i told you that when things get bad it goes beyond pain... its pure suffering. It's like nothing else in the world to go through. All i can do in those periods is just sob and cry and ask god how he could let me live through something so horrible.

Good news though. Even though the insurance for military Dependants doesn't cover dep dental... since the oral surgeon seemed touched by how ill i was and the level of suffering i'd been going through the main 5 teeth that keep making me so sick cuz there has always been like a colony of bacteria that resist treatment at the roots of those teeth... they pumped me full of antibiotics and then removed them. it was a very risky surgery but everything turned out well and except for some pain and swelling and the gaping hole in my neck and the extreme exhaustion i feel a lot better. At first i was really scared when they said they wanted to remove those teeth while i was still high with infection... there is a big risk of encephalitis that way which can turn u into a veggie... but i'm really glad that i let them do it because now i'm on my first road to recovery. i still have a lot more dental work to be done but it should be a lot easier now without getting sick every other week.

i feel truly blessed with the fact that i have someone here with me that cares about me so deeply that they are there for me the whole time i need them. Things are definately getting better now and i think my road to a perfect life is here just a few more bumps and then i can settle into it with the most amazing man i've ever met in my whole life yay!!

Well yesterday I got a break from the buttplug...not today though. Just like the other day it was fine for a couple of hourse but now its sore rouch. I wonder how long it takes for the butt to get used to these things... i'm still frightened of that big plug though... ok ... yesterday... big whoopin... I had kinda a relapse and tantrum...

Ben wa balls... ugh was awful when he had me try by myself my muscles gripped them so good that it seemed to me when I was trying to get the lil fuckers out that they were lost inside my pussy. I felt traumatized by it all. When Master got home from work and decided that we should go get errands done he ordered me to bring the balls to him... i begged and i pleaded and i told him how awful they were and how it seems unless it can stick outside the pussy while its in or have a handle for retrieval it just didn't seem right to put it in a pussy. i lost the battle of course and in they went. i pouted and whined for about 2 hours about it... i know i was amusing Master HOWEVER... still got my hiney whooped for such insolence *sighs...

Yes i HATE ben wa balls *pouts. Master is busy with his game today and well i'm feeling friskey... debating whether i should beg if i can play with my toy or not but with the buttplug in i'm afraid it will be ouchies for me... we shall see.

well that is all for today nothing of incidence really today cept for chores and what not.

Ok that thing is MONSTROUS. Master felt last night when we went to the adult bookstore that I was ready for a bigger buttplug.... I saw him grab that and about died. Holy shit its as big as a dildo... and goes in my ass.... He afterwards tells me that it went in "easier" than he thought it would... I was like yeah you weren't on the receiving end of it lol. Holy shit that thing is HUGE! But i was a good girl and took it like a slave... it makes me love my lil butt plug more i will tell you that... haha

Last night before he used his pussy... he put a diagram pic up of a way to make a "rope slave harness" and proceeded to put it on me i have a long torso and ofc and am a bit chunkier than the toon in the pic so we didn't have enough rope but he was still able to make enough of it to wear under my clothes. He then told me to get a skirt on and a shirt that would cover it. Maybe it's part vanity and maybe i really shouldn't care about things like this since Master loves my tits but i can't stand to go without a bra. i have large tits and well anyone that has big natural boobs knows that gravity isn't the kindest with us. i was in tears trying to find a shirt that would cover the whole rope because none of my tank tops that are snug enough to make me able to be comfy going braless would have covered that rope at all. i know i upset him but even if my boobs aren't a lot on the saggy side they are a bit in my eyes and i'm horrified at going braless in public. he allowed me to put a bra on under the shirt when he saw how upset i was at the thought of it. but did say i would have to pay for it later ^^. He also had a remote control egg in my pussy and off we went after that to the adult store. i think i remember him getting a set glass ben wa balls as well. He didn't use those last night though.

Ok we get back and he mskes me lay on the floor near his desk and start to play with myself while he is playing a game on his computer. After i started moaning a lot in procession and sounding like i was going to cum soon he came to me and used his little slut. During our session... he interjects the polyamorism idea again and ofc while i'm getting my brains fucked out and desperately not wanting to ruin the mood i held back the feelings that are incited in me when this subject is mentioned and said yes Master to everything. I'm not gonna lie though... as greedy as this sounds i don't want to share my Master with some other ho. It hurts my feelings a bit to hear him ask me stuff like that too. It's like how come i'm not enough. i know he loves me. but why does he want another chick in this picture. although i'm not typically a jealous person he could check out a chick right in front of me and i wouldn't care but when it comes to it being more tangible like him touching someone else yes i'm horribly jealous... i want to be the only one... there is one exception to this ... her name is Jeanne... her and her hubby used to play with my Master a lot i'm not threatened by that i know that she loves her hubby and they just have fun as friends... but i know i don't want to see it either. emotionally i don't think i'm wired to handle watching someone i love so deeply fuck somebody else or mess around with them. i can't help how i feel on this and i did ask him a long time ago if it was going to be a problem if i couldn't handle it and he said ofc not and that he wouldn't ever want to hurt me. i am not sure if my giving over my last shred of independence to him has made him think he can condition me and get me used to the idea of adding another playmate to the mix and maybe years down the road when i'm more secure in what he and i have who knows but i know at the moment it does really hurt my feelings to talk about another chick in the mix. i do love him and there is a lot i can manage to "endure" as a slave even though there is a long road ahead to get me where i'm where he wants me to be. i'm just really unsure how i will feel on the bringing someone else into this. it isn't even just relationship insecurities i think of either. Disease etc are also things to worry about ^^ i have a feeling this post will dissapoint my Master in a lot of ways but i really feel like i need to get this out now its been on my mind all night and i had dreams about it i didn't like as well *sighs.

Wow ok so this is completely out of no where... but did you know that when you blow your nose you use your muscles in your pussy and ass? I never noticed this until today when i had to blow my nose... i sure felt the muscles grip around that butt plug... owwwww hahah.

I know that my tolerance for pain is very ummmm well I'm a wimp so I asked Master like I explained yesterday to do a session for clothespins. He cuffed my arms behind my back, gagged me with the new homemade gag, and blindfolded me. He had me stand by him at his computer. Once he had me bound up the way he wanted for the "festivities" he pressed a button on his computer calling his brother on skype. As he added clothespins to my breasts and etc he just talked on the phone like everything was all normal. sometimes I'd moan or cry out into the gag while he was having his conversation. It felt hot to stand there like that while he was on a regular family call. It was almost like being someone's game boy as they sat talking to someone... WOOT. I did better than I thought. I figured i'd start crying and beg for Master to stop through the gag. I stood there and took every bit of it. You know though it wasn't the having them on so much that hurt so bad it was more pain when he took them off. The blood would rush to that area sending a burning needly sensation to the area that had been clamped off with the clothespins. He put one down on my pussy, that one was not bad at all.

Still doing the butt plug training had to put it in today after he left for work this morning and have to take it out at 1030 am for a bath but put it back in after that till further instruction.

Ok so i'm probably going to get a whoopin tonight. I was supposed to quit smoking today and i had a "situation" at the work out center on military base that upset me near to tears and I took out all my change at the shoppette and bought a pack of smokes then sat on a curb waiting for Master to get done with his pt. I was so upset... ok when i was in the navy i wore a similar work out outfit... no one said crap to me and I was active duty then... well i have a half shirt and then the work out pants... They made me leave...said what i was wearing would be a problem. Of course she said that i can go to the track... well she already made me feel like i looked like a street hooker... why was i gonna run around with my purse that I had no where to put on a track bouncing my big tits infront of a bunch of guys... whatever. I made sure I told Master right away that i slipped up and bought the cigarettes. i always want to be straight foward with him when i fuck up. Trust is very important in marriage and it is expecially important with a lifestyle choice like we have. He told me i couldn't keep them and i begged to at least be able to keep them till noon to get over my anxiety of the morning incident. He said yes but that i am going to pay for it later getting to have them till noon and then he also said i would pay for the buying them in the first place. i fucked up so yes i definately need to be disciplined, but i do appreciate Master letting me keep them till noon. Even if he spanks me so hard I can't sit for a few hours I deserve whatever is coming and will take my punishment like a good girl.

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When i first got here Master and i were having sex and I beg him to spank me more... well he grabbed my hair pulled my head back and said "Do you think you get a say?" i knew right there i'd fucked up so i'm very tentative on asking Master to train me on things i know i need to work on. A few times i've mentioned in here things and after a discussion that me and Master had last night we both decided that this actually is a very appropriate forum to express those things w/out being assumptuous or blantantly not slave like behavior. This way he can read and then decide where he wants to go with that from there. So today I need to write something down that I want to work on hoping that Master will want to use it in training session.

We watched a bdsm movie the other night with a slave in it and all this time since i got here i've been really nervous about the bondage and s & m part of things. It's just been so long since i've been "scened" that i'm afraid i'll freak out but last night/ yesterday something clicked in me and i think i want to try bondage with some uncomfy combos added to it to see how long i can endure it without begging Master to untie me.

i fixed our futon that has a metal frame yesterday and made a new ball gag in hopeful preparation for a good training session.

1. i'd like my butt plug in and a ruff spanking to make my ass warmed up and red and uncomfy

2. To be gagged, blindfolded and tied naked to the futon laying on my back with my legs spread widely

3. for clothespins to be placed on clit, nipples and other various parts of my body that Master wants to put them on. Hot wax is something my Master likes... periodic hot wax might be kewl too for the "check times"

4. I want to see how long I can withstand being tied like that maybe have Master check every 15 or 30 min... play around with the clips and stuff or my body period... all depends on what he'd like. my goal is to see if i can handle being bound and etc and uncomfortable with the pins and stuffs on for 2 hours total. If i could make it to that goal then the rest will be gravy... if i can't make it past 30 min then it is definately an endurance I need to work on. i'm not sure about how long is too long to leave the clips in one spot is for though or if there is a too long. if there is a too long then maybe through out the course to have them switched around etc...

Of course that is a basic idea of what i'd like the training session to be like. It just sounds like a good way to just jump in and get over the fears i've been having and after how well last night went i'm convinced this would be a great next step for training as a whole. In the end i'm just a slut and i don't get a say and i'm priveledged that Master allows me to speak freely on the journal like he does.

P.S. for Master: i told you once that because of past issues that i couldn't hack getting spanked with a belt and i don't know if you remember that but i think that i could handle it if it is you doing it. i trust you Master and know its coming out of love if you use it nothing like what i went through when I was a kid.

-vixxy

Well last night I think Master was pleased that I was ready to shed that last grasp i been trying to keep on my independence. I know he's been very patient with me because it has been so long since i've been sub/slave all the way. I spent alllllllllll day yesterday with the butt plug on and he at one point shot cum all over my chest made me rub it in good then we went to target with me in a low cut shirt he'd picked for me. I could smell his cum on me I was blushing the whole trip through the store. Ok so... the butt plug... here it is:
so yeah it looks small and harmless enough in person... but once you put that bad boy in ...it feels wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy bigger than it looks. kneeling seems to be the only real relief as well. Everytime i'd sit down zomgz. Yes by the way I am a wimp. I don't have the greatest pain tolerance... the only side of S&M i've been into is minor humiliation and forced sex acts kind of stuff. Today during a "play with the slut toy" session... I thought he was looking for the lube and I said Master I think its in the... He said Shut up... almost brought tears to my eyes. Just shocked me was the first time he said something like that so stern to me cept for when i forgot to put my collar on before getting dressed. It felt good though... deep down to my toes kind of chill. I loved that commanding sound and guess what... I shut the hell up haha.

Back to the butt plug again... today had to wear it for a couple of hours but that is all... Going in it wasn't so bad... still uncomfy while in and moving around... but coming out... you see all those lil "grooves in that thing ... each one tries to keep a grip inside the wall of the anus... ouchies and adding more lube doesn't help... But I know Master wants me to be to wear it is "a part of life" kind of feeling where I don't flinch any more and start to feel like it is my friend... well I"m assuming this I guess I really don't know if he wants me to get to where it is a comfy friend or if maybe he likes that it is uncomfy for me. Who am i to argue either way. I'm going to endure it no matter what. I belong to him and I'm HIS toy so... there u go ;)

I'm nervous a bit i let go of that last shred of my independance and feel it rear its ugly head time to time but I'm holding it back ok I think. And if it comes out I guess i just get my ass whooped with a paddle or a hand or some other punishment that Master deems fit.

U know Master seemed so pleased at me suggesting that each time a smoke a cigarette while he is home getting a real spanking... I was both relieved and dissapointed at the same time. I was actually hoping that he would so that it would make me ask to go smoke way less. I want him to discipline me. I crave it now that I know I can handle being a slave again. He was really tired last night and i kept pushing my luck. He told me that i was lucky that he was so tired ^^ I half expected punishment this morning after he got back from pt. I know that when he deems fit to punish me he will, as i said he isn't a wimp. i've had a couple of tastes of when he's had enough and it left me sulking off by myself cuz I felt so bad that I brought that tone of voice out of him or the spanking for the not putting collar on. But I do crave for him to punish me everytime I don't do something right or the cigarettes... it displeases him but because of how bad my teeth hurt he lets me smoke to avoid the extra suffering, but if it displeases him there should be some sort of consequence.

Earlier I asked Master if we could start "practicing" with the clothespins. Saw a flick the other night where the slave was getting them put on and I could tell he liked that part a lot. I asked him if he thought that was hot and he said yes and he wants to do that to me as well. I might regret my request later, but unless we start doing this stuff to me then i'm not gonna be able to get my tolerance up for things like that ^^.

A few weeks ago we bought some rope wonder if i can talk him into tying me up to the bed while we do the clothespins for as long as he wants to leave the pins on. Would like to start working on the amount of time I can handle being tied up as well and would kinda put 2 training sessions in one. Not to mention it would be hawt as hell... i love to be bound up.

Last notable thing we got a gag at the adult bookstore its lousy though feels more like a pacifier that is too small so today i got a sash and cut it in half then took a pair of underpants ... old ones that I never wear and cut them to where i could tie it in a knot just the right size to shove into my mouth then i tied it to the pieces of sash... its not really "pretty" and whatnot but i believe it will function well and I think in the end that is all that really matters.