For about the last week or so i have been very very ill. The teeth i've made reference to in earlier posts actually became a "life threatening problem" i just went through surgery last monday and now have an incision on my throat where they had to drain infection out. Quasimoto of the face and neck was exactly how i looked it was awful. Leave it to my wonderful Master that never once did he ever make me feel unattractive. i think that is one of the things that makes me love him so much is that even on the "bad" days he makes me feel like i'm the most beautiful creature on the earth. It's nice to feel loved like he makes me feel loved. Sex has still been wonderful when i've had the energy to be a part of it heh. But he has to be gentle atm and well we just aren't used to that. i feel so bad that he can't really grope and twist me around the way he normally does but at least glad that he still seems to enjoy sex the way that we are able to at the moment. He's been spoiling me rotten too. Tonight... well i'm frecking sick of soft food specially since most stuff that taste good is sweet. i have never been one for sweets much and been finding myself eating jello, pudding, milkshakes... BLECH. well tonight i got glimmers and stars in my eyes when i looked at the big sign of the restaraunt down the street from us... i thought OMG OMG OMG guacamole isn't sweet and its " mushy" my Master hadn't slept last night he had military duty and he'd been up all day and my first selfish thoughts were beg beg please Master get me some guacamole omg i want it i want it... As he started to walk into the house to put shoes on and get wallet i said wait wait wait omg... i said i'm a selfish asshole... you haven't even slept at all baby... never mind... well he went anyways. it almost brought tears to my eyes how touched i was that despite how he felt he walked all the way to that restaraunt and brought me a container of mushy nachos and guacamole... i picked out all the nachos that the cheese and beans had made soggy and then slowly nibbled the guacamole away and you know what!!! it was heaven!! not as good as nookie but wow damn near there considering the fact i haven't really ate anything solid in about 2 weeks sept for a few won ton noodles at uncle bao's the other day. Yet another sweet thing he did for me.

It's strange being adhd i've always had such an abundance of energy...till that surgery. I wonder if it's possible for them to surgically remove yer adhd ;) jk i know it isn't possible ;). i just feel so weak. i can't even sit down at a game long without feeling extremely exhausted.

Here is a laugh... i like to be tied up... i love to be dominated... but check this subby out at a hospital ward when they tell her she can't get 10 min of fresh air off the ward she is stuck on. i was cussing them out yelling throwing a damn tantrum... 2 days after Master saw that... he sat and talked to me saying if i really felt stir crazy at the apt and wanted to take a walk during the day he would no longer forbid it. He said he never wanted me to feel trapped like he saw me feel at the hospital. i was a mean ass crazed bitch there i swear lol. i think it scared him to see me freaked out like that.

i feel bad though i know he's been so worried the past couple of weeks. He knew i got sick when we were separated but i never really went into detail about how bad it makes me feel or how sick i really have been. To actually physically see how sick i have been many times over the past couple of years... He even made some comments like how did you ever get through this so many times. It's like he was in awe and heart broken at the same time. i just answered i wasn't joking when i told you that when things get bad it goes beyond pain... its pure suffering. It's like nothing else in the world to go through. All i can do in those periods is just sob and cry and ask god how he could let me live through something so horrible.

Good news though. Even though the insurance for military Dependants doesn't cover dep dental... since the oral surgeon seemed touched by how ill i was and the level of suffering i'd been going through the main 5 teeth that keep making me so sick cuz there has always been like a colony of bacteria that resist treatment at the roots of those teeth... they pumped me full of antibiotics and then removed them. it was a very risky surgery but everything turned out well and except for some pain and swelling and the gaping hole in my neck and the extreme exhaustion i feel a lot better. At first i was really scared when they said they wanted to remove those teeth while i was still high with infection... there is a big risk of encephalitis that way which can turn u into a veggie... but i'm really glad that i let them do it because now i'm on my first road to recovery. i still have a lot more dental work to be done but it should be a lot easier now without getting sick every other week.

i feel truly blessed with the fact that i have someone here with me that cares about me so deeply that they are there for me the whole time i need them. Things are definately getting better now and i think my road to a perfect life is here just a few more bumps and then i can settle into it with the most amazing man i've ever met in my whole life yay!!