His Lil Vixen

cute quiz

2008-01-31T15:31:21Z

slut board completed

2007-10-24T16:27:08Z

Well last night when Master got home from work he finished the pole that attaches to the back of the slut board. he put a dildo on it and then it kept it inside of me while i was chained to the rings on it. Its not very comfy to lay chest down for a long period of time on my knees with my ass up in the air but the point of the thing isn't for my comfort its for his entertainment so i didn't complain while i was bound to it.

i knew the "during" the harder spankings i would regret asking to work on my endurance for harder and longer spankings... i was right lol. There were a few smacks in the end that made me light headed but i made it through without begging him to stop so i do know i'm improving for my endurance because in the beginning when we first started me back on a 24 and 7 lifestyle i would have cried and begged him to stop at a spanking far less rough than that. my ass burned for about 2 hours after that spankin ^^. He still is only using the paddle and hand mainly... the flogger well... cheaply broke last night. I wonder how long it will take me to be able to handle a belt ^^

Ok so no i've never been one to say i'm into anal sex.... but as i've said in the past it's something that my Master wants so..... well last night when he had the dildo in my butt while i was chained down he came up behind me and started to play with my clit and i swear i came like 8 times all in a row i was going insane... i just started begging for him to fuck me even though i knew since i was on my monthly that it was gonna be in the butt.... i have to say that is the first time that i felt competely into it ever. It hurt like a few times when he would go in all the way but at that point i didn't even care it just felt so good what he was doing to me *blush.

Master hasn't used the hitch that attaches to my collar yet. i have to say i'm a little nervous about it. Once he decides to do that my already limited mobility on the board is gonna be even worse, guess i'll just have to see how it goes when he does it. ^^

All in all my slut board my look a little rough around the edges homemade wise...but it's highly effective at keeping me at bay and bound close to my Master while he is playing world of warcraft. It's kinda weird though i have such mixed feelings about it. i don't like it because a lot of the time i'm strapped to it i'm left only with my thoughts in uncomfy position... but at the same time i'm wet thinking about being Master's toy when he decides to get up and play with me and that i'm stuck there in ready position till he is ready. i guess that means i love a lot of the things i hate... does that make me a wacko? i feel like one sometimes... like last night when Master was making my ass hurt with the harder spanking... i thought i fucking asked for this? lol i did ask for it and during i hated every smack that sent burning pains and made my knees go weak as i was standing up and bent over. When he was done though i was smiling and proud that i made it through it and loved the hot pain that evenly covered my ass. For years now i've been mostly independant and hadn't been a slave since i was very young. i've always been so torn about craving someone to dominate me completely. i love my independence why do i want to have it taken away from me... why do i like to be forced to do things i don't like much or don't like at all? did my first Master and Mistress train me so well that i will never truly want my independence? my Master gives me a lot of liberties... some days i wish he would take most of them away from me and force me to be more of a slave... then sometimes when he expects me to completely submit i'm in panic mode and feel like putting on the breaks and say no no no i can't i don't want to please please please lets just do this for fun and i want my freedom.

i wonder if the many years now of independence and freedom have ruined me for being the kind of slave i crave deep down to be or if Master will be able to make those feelings go away with more training... who knows i guess it is just something i have to find out.

i have a lot of fears though. i know Master hopes that i settle down to the level of submission i was at when Bill and Kat owned me. What if i'm never able to get back to that level of submission. Will Master be disappointed and not want me anymore if after time i'm unable to do that? Or does Master enjoy these spikes i have where i'm in panic mode and i fight it? i think my biggest fear of all is not living up to his expectations of me. i love him with all of my heart and i can't even imagine being without him now that we are together and no longer separated.

the slut board ^^

2007-10-23T15:12:34Z

I told you guys that I would post a pic of the new thing Master was building...it isn't done but all is missing is the pole that is gonna be at the back of the board which when on will be able to hold items in my pussy or my ass or both if he so decides. The board is designed to keep me bound and in toy mode for when Master is playing on his computer. We tested out the being bound thing last night ...it works really well ^^.

The ring that you can see is the one that attaches to my collar with a chain and lock

The board is only long enough to force me to be in a doggy style type of position either on all fours if he leaves enough slack in the chain for me to get in that position or for me to be knelt with my chest and face down low to the board. It's evulllll. But i have to admit it was hot when he had me all bound to the board on the floor and grabbed my hair to force me to give him a blow job *swoons I'm a lucky slut indeed *wicked grin

i tell my Master about a certain slave's posts that i avidly read because i look up to her especially with the level of pain she seems able to endure. Last night we were talking and i told Master that although there are things that she does that i don't think i'd ever be able to endure (ie: cutting... rouchhhhhies!!!) that i really want to work on the being able to handle longer and harder "whoopins" i know Master does enjoy the making my ass red ;) soooooo we are gonna work on my ability to endure the harder spankings ^^ i'll probably regret this request during the spankings of course lol but for now i'd really like to work on it :D

Back to training

2007-10-22T19:44:18Z

Well, i've been a lot less exhausted now so training has resumed to improve my slave skills for my Master and etc... This weekend... Bondage endurance training.

ok so i REALLLLLLLLLLLY hate having my arms tied behind my back...it truly feels like they just aren't supposed to go in that position... but i'm devoted and Master loves my arms to be bound behind my back. i'm actually pretty damn proud i lasted nearly 2 hours the first time with my arms not only behind my back but i even requested Master to get a clip and to make it to where my wrists were kept close together making me unable to move at all to get comfy. my legs were spread as i'm face down over a mound of pillows so that my ass is nice and up in the air to make it and my pussy available to play with... arms behind my back... and then the legs spread and bound so i had a bit of room to stretch them out but for the most part knees are bent and ankles are up in the air going towards my wrists. Of course while he played with me everything felt amazing...but when he wasn't playing with me and was at his desk playing his game... i was aware of every discomfort... every itch...good god it's amazing how tortuous an itch can be or a hair blowing over your face because the ceiling fan is going and you cannot reach up to brush it away. He didn't gag me this first time. I think maybe to make sure that if i couldn't hack it anymore that i could tell him. i was doing great until... OMFG my feet started cramping in the arches...wth... never had them do that and if anyone knows why or a way to keep that from happening again please oh please tell me how to fix that from never happening again. It made me cry worse than any spanking i ever got... seriously OUCH!!!! i think i would have made it past the 2 hour mark had my feet not cramped up like that.

The second day of this wasn't for long but well "it's that time" and although Master isn't squeamish about playing with me during that time...he definately seems to just want to get gratification over...get cleaned up and be done with it. Don't get me wrong he does make sure that i get gratification as well...but we don't play near as long when i'm in that "phase of womanhood" I hate the monthlies with a passion.

Home Depot... my Master loves this store now. Ok so we have a flat piece of wood left over from making the futon more stable... Master has an idea although he wants to suprise me with the outcome...but the materials he bought are 5 pieces of chain... 5 hitching rings, a shitton of padlocks and some scary looking clips...its like super clothespins even having a finger in it hurts.. i'm assuming those are for something other than to put on my body cuz i know Master wouldn't hurt me like that... I'll get a pic of the final product when he is finished with it... I think its to chain me down by his computer for when he does raids...that way if they wipe out or etc...he has his toy right there to play around with when he waits for them to reform or what not...we shall see...but it sounds EVUL... i'm adhd and hard for me to stay in 1 spot long... so yeah it will be an endurance thing for me... entertainment for Master of course. Betcha if i bitch at all the gag goes on... ^^

Oh and i finally graduated from the buttplugs and Master was finally able to take in in "the other hole" like he wanted... it actually didn't hurt too bad and was enjoyable after a few mins... thank goodness cuz i been dreading the anal thing for a bit cuz it's always really hurt for me for as long as i can remember.

Of course butt plugs still need to be worn here and there Master likes for me to have them in at least daily...

ok now for the humiliating part... Vegetables... Master played with me with vegetables a couple of times this weekend...one of them i dunno how he even got it in me... of course i moaned like a bitch in heat as he used them on me...elicting him to ask me if i enjoyed servicing vegetables ... no brainer answer for a slave : Oh yes Master please fuk me more *moan *moan *moan He was proud of me.

2nd humiliating part... I hate "water sports" the poop thing well that is just a no go for me at all ugh...no way thank god Master has no desire on that...but he did want to piss on me... well he tied my hands behind my back and had me kneel naked in the tub... he held my chin up and proceeded to do the deed. it really didn't feel sexy at all but i really wanted to please him so i calmly knelt and looked up into his eyes submissively. After he was done... it was clean up time... I asked him if he dug it.. his answer was i didn't enjoy it as much as i thought i was going to... YAY! first time i was glad of a "i didn't really enjoy that" kind of answer from him. Of course who knows it may not mean it won't happen again he might reserve it for humiliation or training or punishment... which of course since it can't "hurt" me i won't argue or etc.

Punishment... ok so Master wants me to quit smoking i went for a couple weeks without cigarettes and then flipped out on him... i actually felt so bad about it and told Master to please let me make it up to him on the weekend which is why training took a more extreme form and there was a lot of endurance to be done... part of which was the spankings... he bought a new thing... flogger... it kinda hurts if he hits me just right with it but usually it just makes sounds...but he wooped me with the paddle like no other time... i actually almost cried a few times... OUCH. I still owe a lot of spankings though... prolly will till the end of next year... i was pretty horrible during my sick time and then the trying to quit smoking time.

training on hold

2007-10-06T07:05:30Z

For about the last week or so i have been very very ill. The teeth i've made reference to in earlier posts actually became a "life threatening problem" i just went through surgery last monday and now have an incision on my throat where they had to drain infection out. Quasimoto of the face and neck was exactly how i looked it was awful. Leave it to my wonderful Master that never once did he ever make me feel unattractive. i think that is one of the things that makes me love him so much is that even on the "bad" days he makes me feel like i'm the most beautiful creature on the earth. It's nice to feel loved like he makes me feel loved. Sex has still been wonderful when i've had the energy to be a part of it heh. But he has to be gentle atm and well we just aren't used to that. i feel so bad that he can't really grope and twist me around the way he normally does but at least glad that he still seems to enjoy sex the way that we are able to at the moment. He's been spoiling me rotten too. Tonight... well i'm frecking sick of soft food specially since most stuff that taste good is sweet. i have never been one for sweets much and been finding myself eating jello, pudding, milkshakes... BLECH. well tonight i got glimmers and stars in my eyes when i looked at the big sign of the restaraunt down the street from us... i thought OMG OMG OMG guacamole isn't sweet and its " mushy" my Master hadn't slept last night he had military duty and he'd been up all day and my first selfish thoughts were beg beg please Master get me some guacamole omg i want it i want it... As he started to walk into the house to put shoes on and get wallet i said wait wait wait omg... i said i'm a selfish asshole... you haven't even slept at all baby... never mind... well he went anyways. it almost brought tears to my eyes how touched i was that despite how he felt he walked all the way to that restaraunt and brought me a container of mushy nachos and guacamole... i picked out all the nachos that the cheese and beans had made soggy and then slowly nibbled the guacamole away and you know what!!! it was heaven!! not as good as nookie but wow damn near there considering the fact i haven't really ate anything solid in about 2 weeks sept for a few won ton noodles at uncle bao's the other day. Yet another sweet thing he did for me.

It's strange being adhd i've always had such an abundance of energy...till that surgery. I wonder if it's possible for them to surgically remove yer adhd ;) jk i know it isn't possible ;). i just feel so weak. i can't even sit down at a game long without feeling extremely exhausted.

Here is a laugh... i like to be tied up... i love to be dominated... but check this subby out at a hospital ward when they tell her she can't get 10 min of fresh air off the ward she is stuck on. i was cussing them out yelling throwing a damn tantrum... 2 days after Master saw that... he sat and talked to me saying if i really felt stir crazy at the apt and wanted to take a walk during the day he would no longer forbid it. He said he never wanted me to feel trapped like he saw me feel at the hospital. i was a mean ass crazed bitch there i swear lol. i think it scared him to see me freaked out like that.

i feel bad though i know he's been so worried the past couple of weeks. He knew i got sick when we were separated but i never really went into detail about how bad it makes me feel or how sick i really have been. To actually physically see how sick i have been many times over the past couple of years... He even made some comments like how did you ever get through this so many times. It's like he was in awe and heart broken at the same time. i just answered i wasn't joking when i told you that when things get bad it goes beyond pain... its pure suffering. It's like nothing else in the world to go through. All i can do in those periods is just sob and cry and ask god how he could let me live through something so horrible.

Good news though. Even though the insurance for military Dependants doesn't cover dep dental... since the oral surgeon seemed touched by how ill i was and the level of suffering i'd been going through the main 5 teeth that keep making me so sick cuz there has always been like a colony of bacteria that resist treatment at the roots of those teeth... they pumped me full of antibiotics and then removed them. it was a very risky surgery but everything turned out well and except for some pain and swelling and the gaping hole in my neck and the extreme exhaustion i feel a lot better. At first i was really scared when they said they wanted to remove those teeth while i was still high with infection... there is a big risk of encephalitis that way which can turn u into a veggie... but i'm really glad that i let them do it because now i'm on my first road to recovery. i still have a lot more dental work to be done but it should be a lot easier now without getting sick every other week.

i feel truly blessed with the fact that i have someone here with me that cares about me so deeply that they are there for me the whole time i need them. Things are definately getting better now and i think my road to a perfect life is here just a few more bumps and then i can settle into it with the most amazing man i've ever met in my whole life yay!!

Another day another...

2007-09-22T22:02:23Z

Well yesterday I got a break from the buttplug...not today though. Just like the other day it was fine for a couple of hourse but now its sore rouch. I wonder how long it takes for the butt to get used to these things... i'm still frightened of that big plug though... ok ... yesterday... big whoopin... I had kinda a relapse and tantrum...

Ben wa balls... ugh was awful when he had me try by myself my muscles gripped them so good that it seemed to me when I was trying to get the lil fuckers out that they were lost inside my pussy. I felt traumatized by it all. When Master got home from work and decided that we should go get errands done he ordered me to bring the balls to him... i begged and i pleaded and i told him how awful they were and how it seems unless it can stick outside the pussy while its in or have a handle for retrieval it just didn't seem right to put it in a pussy. i lost the battle of course and in they went. i pouted and whined for about 2 hours about it... i know i was amusing Master HOWEVER... still got my hiney whooped for such insolence *sighs...

Yes i HATE ben wa balls *pouts. Master is busy with his game today and well i'm feeling friskey... debating whether i should beg if i can play with my toy or not but with the buttplug in i'm afraid it will be ouchies for me... we shall see.

well that is all for today nothing of incidence really today cept for chores and what not.

graduation to a new level ^^

2007-09-21T13:02:12Z

Ok that thing is MONSTROUS. Master felt last night when we went to the adult bookstore that I was ready for a bigger buttplug.... I saw him grab that and about died. Holy shit its as big as a dildo... and goes in my ass.... He afterwards tells me that it went in "easier" than he thought it would... I was like yeah you weren't on the receiving end of it lol. Holy shit that thing is HUGE! But i was a good girl and took it like a slave... it makes me love my lil butt plug more i will tell you that... haha

Last night before he used his pussy... he put a diagram pic up of a way to make a "rope slave harness" and proceeded to put it on me i have a long torso and ofc and am a bit chunkier than the toon in the pic so we didn't have enough rope but he was still able to make enough of it to wear under my clothes. He then told me to get a skirt on and a shirt that would cover it. Maybe it's part vanity and maybe i really shouldn't care about things like this since Master loves my tits but i can't stand to go without a bra. i have large tits and well anyone that has big natural boobs knows that gravity isn't the kindest with us. i was in tears trying to find a shirt that would cover the whole rope because none of my tank tops that are snug enough to make me able to be comfy going braless would have covered that rope at all. i know i upset him but even if my boobs aren't a lot on the saggy side they are a bit in my eyes and i'm horrified at going braless in public. he allowed me to put a bra on under the shirt when he saw how upset i was at the thought of it. but did say i would have to pay for it later ^^. He also had a remote control egg in my pussy and off we went after that to the adult store. i think i remember him getting a set glass ben wa balls as well. He didn't use those last night though.

Ok we get back and he mskes me lay on the floor near his desk and start to play with myself while he is playing a game on his computer. After i started moaning a lot in procession and sounding like i was going to cum soon he came to me and used his little slut. During our session... he interjects the polyamorism idea again and ofc while i'm getting my brains fucked out and desperately not wanting to ruin the mood i held back the feelings that are incited in me when this subject is mentioned and said yes Master to everything. I'm not gonna lie though... as greedy as this sounds i don't want to share my Master with some other ho. It hurts my feelings a bit to hear him ask me stuff like that too. It's like how come i'm not enough. i know he loves me. but why does he want another chick in this picture. although i'm not typically a jealous person he could check out a chick right in front of me and i wouldn't care but when it comes to it being more tangible like him touching someone else yes i'm horribly jealous... i want to be the only one... there is one exception to this ... her name is Jeanne... her and her hubby used to play with my Master a lot i'm not threatened by that i know that she loves her hubby and they just have fun as friends... but i know i don't want to see it either. emotionally i don't think i'm wired to handle watching someone i love so deeply fuck somebody else or mess around with them. i can't help how i feel on this and i did ask him a long time ago if it was going to be a problem if i couldn't handle it and he said ofc not and that he wouldn't ever want to hurt me. i am not sure if my giving over my last shred of independence to him has made him think he can condition me and get me used to the idea of adding another playmate to the mix and maybe years down the road when i'm more secure in what he and i have who knows but i know at the moment it does really hurt my feelings to talk about another chick in the mix. i do love him and there is a lot i can manage to "endure" as a slave even though there is a long road ahead to get me where i'm where he wants me to be. i'm just really unsure how i will feel on the bringing someone else into this. it isn't even just relationship insecurities i think of either. Disease etc are also things to worry about ^^ i have a feeling this post will dissapoint my Master in a lot of ways but i really feel like i need to get this out now its been on my mind all night and i had dreams about it i didn't like as well *sighs.

something learned...

2007-09-20T18:58:28Z

Wow ok so this is completely out of no where... but did you know that when you blow your nose you use your muscles in your pussy and ass? I never noticed this until today when i had to blow my nose... i sure felt the muscles grip around that butt plug... owwwww hahah.

Clothespin training

2007-09-20T16:09:58Z

I know that my tolerance for pain is very ummmm well I'm a wimp so I asked Master like I explained yesterday to do a session for clothespins. He cuffed my arms behind my back, gagged me with the new homemade gag, and blindfolded me. He had me stand by him at his computer. Once he had me bound up the way he wanted for the "festivities" he pressed a button on his computer calling his brother on skype. As he added clothespins to my breasts and etc he just talked on the phone like everything was all normal. sometimes I'd moan or cry out into the gag while he was having his conversation. It felt hot to stand there like that while he was on a regular family call. It was almost like being someone's game boy as they sat talking to someone... WOOT. I did better than I thought. I figured i'd start crying and beg for Master to stop through the gag. I stood there and took every bit of it. You know though it wasn't the having them on so much that hurt so bad it was more pain when he took them off. The blood would rush to that area sending a burning needly sensation to the area that had been clamped off with the clothespins. He put one down on my pussy, that one was not bad at all.

Still doing the butt plug training had to put it in today after he left for work this morning and have to take it out at 1030 am for a bath but put it back in after that till further instruction.

Ok so i'm probably going to get a whoopin tonight. I was supposed to quit smoking today and i had a "situation" at the work out center on military base that upset me near to tears and I took out all my change at the shoppette and bought a pack of smokes then sat on a curb waiting for Master to get done with his pt. I was so upset... ok when i was in the navy i wore a similar work out outfit... no one said crap to me and I was active duty then... well i have a half shirt and then the work out pants... They made me leave...said what i was wearing would be a problem. Of course she said that i can go to the track... well she already made me feel like i looked like a street hooker... why was i gonna run around with my purse that I had no where to put on a track bouncing my big tits infront of a bunch of guys... whatever. I made sure I told Master right away that i slipped up and bought the cigarettes. i always want to be straight foward with him when i fuck up. Trust is very important in marriage and it is expecially important with a lifestyle choice like we have. He told me i couldn't keep them and i begged to at least be able to keep them till noon to get over my anxiety of the morning incident. He said yes but that i am going to pay for it later getting to have them till noon and then he also said i would pay for the buying them in the first place. i fucked up so yes i definately need to be disciplined, but i do appreciate Master letting me keep them till noon. Even if he spanks me so hard I can't sit for a few hours I deserve whatever is coming and will take my punishment like a good girl.

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When i first got here Master and i were having sex and I beg him to spank me more... well he grabbed my hair pulled my head back and said "Do you think you get a say?" i knew right there i'd fucked up so i'm very tentative on asking Master to train me on things i know i need to work on. A few times i've mentioned in here things and after a discussion that me and Master had last night we both decided that this actually is a very appropriate forum to express those things w/out being assumptuous or blantantly not slave like behavior. This way he can read and then decide where he wants to go with that from there. So today I need to write something down that I want to work on hoping that Master will want to use it in training session.

We watched a bdsm movie the other night with a slave in it and all this time since i got here i've been really nervous about the bondage and s & m part of things. It's just been so long since i've been "scened" that i'm afraid i'll freak out but last night/ yesterday something clicked in me and i think i want to try bondage with some uncomfy combos added to it to see how long i can endure it without begging Master to untie me.

i fixed our futon that has a metal frame yesterday and made a new ball gag in hopeful preparation for a good training session.

1. i'd like my butt plug in and a ruff spanking to make my ass warmed up and red and uncomfy

2. To be gagged, blindfolded and tied naked to the futon laying on my back with my legs spread widely

3. for clothespins to be placed on clit, nipples and other various parts of my body that Master wants to put them on. Hot wax is something my Master likes... periodic hot wax might be kewl too for the "check times"

4. I want to see how long I can withstand being tied like that maybe have Master check every 15 or 30 min... play around with the clips and stuff or my body period... all depends on what he'd like. my goal is to see if i can handle being bound and etc and uncomfortable with the pins and stuffs on for 2 hours total. If i could make it to that goal then the rest will be gravy... if i can't make it past 30 min then it is definately an endurance I need to work on. i'm not sure about how long is too long to leave the clips in one spot is for though or if there is a too long. if there is a too long then maybe through out the course to have them switched around etc...

Of course that is a basic idea of what i'd like the training session to be like. It just sounds like a good way to just jump in and get over the fears i've been having and after how well last night went i'm convinced this would be a great next step for training as a whole. In the end i'm just a slut and i don't get a say and i'm priveledged that Master allows me to speak freely on the journal like he does.

P.S. for Master: i told you once that because of past issues that i couldn't hack getting spanked with a belt and i don't know if you remember that but i think that i could handle it if it is you doing it. i trust you Master and know its coming out of love if you use it nothing like what i went through when I was a kid.

-vixxy

Let the training begin ;)

2007-09-19T19:24:54Z

Well last night I think Master was pleased that I was ready to shed that last grasp i been trying to keep on my independence. I know he's been very patient with me because it has been so long since i've been sub/slave all the way. I spent alllllllllll day yesterday with the butt plug on and he at one point shot cum all over my chest made me rub it in good then we went to target with me in a low cut shirt he'd picked for me. I could smell his cum on me I was blushing the whole trip through the store. Ok so... the butt plug... here it is:
so yeah it looks small and harmless enough in person... but once you put that bad boy in ...it feels wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy bigger than it looks. kneeling seems to be the only real relief as well. Everytime i'd sit down zomgz. Yes by the way I am a wimp. I don't have the greatest pain tolerance... the only side of S&M i've been into is minor humiliation and forced sex acts kind of stuff. Today during a "play with the slut toy" session... I thought he was looking for the lube and I said Master I think its in the... He said Shut up... almost brought tears to my eyes. Just shocked me was the first time he said something like that so stern to me cept for when i forgot to put my collar on before getting dressed. It felt good though... deep down to my toes kind of chill. I loved that commanding sound and guess what... I shut the hell up haha.

Back to the butt plug again... today had to wear it for a couple of hours but that is all... Going in it wasn't so bad... still uncomfy while in and moving around... but coming out... you see all those lil "grooves in that thing ... each one tries to keep a grip inside the wall of the anus... ouchies and adding more lube doesn't help... But I know Master wants me to be to wear it is "a part of life" kind of feeling where I don't flinch any more and start to feel like it is my friend... well I"m assuming this I guess I really don't know if he wants me to get to where it is a comfy friend or if maybe he likes that it is uncomfy for me. Who am i to argue either way. I'm going to endure it no matter what. I belong to him and I'm HIS toy so... there u go ;)

I'm nervous a bit i let go of that last shred of my independance and feel it rear its ugly head time to time but I'm holding it back ok I think. And if it comes out I guess i just get my ass whooped with a paddle or a hand or some other punishment that Master deems fit.

U know Master seemed so pleased at me suggesting that each time a smoke a cigarette while he is home getting a real spanking... I was both relieved and dissapointed at the same time. I was actually hoping that he would so that it would make me ask to go smoke way less. I want him to discipline me. I crave it now that I know I can handle being a slave again. He was really tired last night and i kept pushing my luck. He told me that i was lucky that he was so tired ^^ I half expected punishment this morning after he got back from pt. I know that when he deems fit to punish me he will, as i said he isn't a wimp. i've had a couple of tastes of when he's had enough and it left me sulking off by myself cuz I felt so bad that I brought that tone of voice out of him or the spanking for the not putting collar on. But I do crave for him to punish me everytime I don't do something right or the cigarettes... it displeases him but because of how bad my teeth hurt he lets me smoke to avoid the extra suffering, but if it displeases him there should be some sort of consequence.

Earlier I asked Master if we could start "practicing" with the clothespins. Saw a flick the other night where the slave was getting them put on and I could tell he liked that part a lot. I asked him if he thought that was hot and he said yes and he wants to do that to me as well. I might regret my request later, but unless we start doing this stuff to me then i'm not gonna be able to get my tolerance up for things like that ^^.

A few weeks ago we bought some rope wonder if i can talk him into tying me up to the bed while we do the clothespins for as long as he wants to leave the pins on. Would like to start working on the amount of time I can handle being tied up as well and would kinda put 2 training sessions in one. Not to mention it would be hawt as hell... i love to be bound up.

Last notable thing we got a gag at the adult bookstore its lousy though feels more like a pacifier that is too small so today i got a sash and cut it in half then took a pair of underpants ... old ones that I never wear and cut them to where i could tie it in a knot just the right size to shove into my mouth then i tied it to the pieces of sash... its not really "pretty" and whatnot but i believe it will function well and I think in the end that is all that really matters.

A Day for Reflection

2007-09-18T16:46:21Z

Ok, so Master and I discussed me which I brought up first because I seriously think he doesn't care one way or another if I am just a stay at home slut/housewife or if I work. I suggested a bit ago maybe taking some online medical transcription courses might be good. He loved the idea. This is a job that can be done from home so that enables me to continue to be a 24 and 7 slut for him. Its not like the job can tell me I can't wear a slave harness as i'm typing away at the work I need to get done. With that said it has brought new thoughts to my mind. I'm so far from what a 24/7 sub/slave should be. I have a smart mouth a lot... I beg so bad that Master decides to cave in for me... ugh i'm a mess. I've read a few sites with postings about how Master's/Mistress's have cured their slaves of certain undesirable behaviors and it all boils down to discipline. Don't get me wrong my Master is NOT a pushover. There are times when no is definately NO and he let's me know that I have stepped over boundaries. He chooses sometimes to let me have my way. Of course I never know why he chooses sometimes to spoil me and others he won't let something slide but that of course is his choice. He will read this later of course and I bet you 10 to 1 if he isn't busy in the game he plays that he comes straight over too me and pets me. I know he loves that I feel bad about my behavior and that I really want to be the best slave for him. So maybe I can write in here some of the things that I want to change or at least be rigid on now to get me in better habits. All in all he might decide that the things I post in here aren't things that he wants to worry about and says hey sweety I'm not going to punish you for that... Or he might think that the punishments I discuss here for discipline might not fit the crime. But I do know that he will appreciate me caring about all of this.

Bad habit #1: When I talk like i'm a free woman... things like that day in the restaurant when I said "I'll let you"... ok so maybe a good discipline for that would be in 2 categories:
1. Blantant and inexcusable statements: clothespin on the tongue for whatever time period Master thinks would fit the crime

2. Minor infractions: Muzzle or a ball gag on not being allowed to speak for a span of time that Master deems fit.

Bad habit #2 - The way I address him. He's very lax about it but in the home I should be calling him Master all of the time. This could fit with the punishments above or even a really good spanking.

Bad habit # 3 - This one isn't really a bad habit but is definitely something that needs to be worked on. To stop being as wimpy as i am with spankings. When he hits me with the paddle i open my mouth and tell him to watch his own strength. He doesn't always smack me hard and its probably a good thing that he throws in a hard one or more to train me to be able to take the spankings better. To be honest I think that most of my infractions have to do with 1 main thing and that is to remember that I don't have choices unless Master gives them to me. There are things we have discussed before that I know I have a say on. IE: I'm not into S&M very heavy. I don't want anything that will leave scars or really hurt me and if something really truly hurts I know I'm allowed to let Master know. But some of the times I've told Master please stop or etc... I was being super wimp and I could have handled it. I hope that Master will tell me if there are anymore things tonight that I need to seriously work on to make him happy. I'd like us to get this to where I'm in serious training now since it is most likely I will definitely be a 24/7 slave. It's been years since i've had this so there is a lot of work but with discipline and more training and tasks i know that I can get back to a good girl.

Ok so speaking of that training... mmmm my butt is so uncomfy right now but I'm determined to keep this damn plug in till Master gets home for lunch. Only 1 hour and 15 min left I should be able to handle it.

Things to help me become a better submissive ;)

2007-09-18T12:56:25Z

Wanted to add this lil note i wrote for Master while he was away i will be adding my new ideas to it of course.

Things to help make me a better submissive for Master

1. Wearing butt plug for a specified amount of time daily I want my Master to
be able to get full enjoyment from anal sex and to enjoy it for him so that,
he doesn't feel like he can't enjoy it because it is uncomfy for me.

2. 30 min a night of Master/sub work out, working on stretching my muscles
for positions and making me more limber.

3. Starting on the Stories again on Beast forums so Master has some
Enjoyable reading.

4. To daily document things in my Live Journal... no more slacking on it.
Maybe Master can even ask me to document on specific subjects he
wants to see my true feelings on. ;)

5. Make sure I at least do 30-1hour of exercise daily to slim and tone
to make sure my Master has a pleasing subbie in all ways ;)

Love you Master just wanted you to know that while you were gone I
I have been thinking of ways to be a better submissive for you.

That more which was to come is here and now...

2007-09-18T12:33:09Z

First and foremost: Ok, I know Master really loves me posting in here. He also loves that I follow kaya's entries. I'm constantly amazed by her level of submission as well as her appparant pain tolerance as well as the love for the S&M part. Of course it scares me a little bit to show him that stuff I'm afraid that some of the stuff he might say hey pet... I think that sounds like a good thing to do to you... I just am not sure if I could handle a lot of that stuff. I know I'm a strong person but... that might just be little above and beyond me. So I do have a special thanks to kaya and her Master because I think that her posts are amazing. NOT because I want to be the exact kind of slave that she is but because her posts are deliciously amazing. I'm still reeling at the thought she put in my head the other day of the silly noobies that say oooo look at that I should let my Master do all that to me because that is what a slave should endure. Bah... I don't get it.

Ok so that night when Master got home... he has a new anal toy for me one of the items he picked at the adult store... this thing looks like a cross between a turnip/buttplug and a pacifier. It has like a bulb at the end it is partially curved and tapers to a ring that sticks out. It really is hard for me to get those ass muscles to relax they STILL don't want to listen... it's like they are screaming you might be a slave/sub but the fuck if i am this is an exit not an entrance. Ok so he finally gets it worked in and he loves to take his pussy very ruffly ofc I love it to ;) NOthing like being taken in that manner *swoons. Well Master gets really ruff taking me from behind right? and well after done I'm like Master?

He said yes pet? I said ummmmm reluctantly wanting to tell him that i think that evil lil butt plug fell out worried that somehow it will be my fault that it fell out. I kept feeling under my hiney though and I didn't feel it. I said Master i think that plug thing fell out....

He says he doesn't see it anywhere... I start to feel horrified and my butt feels oooo so funny.... Well... Toy went lost... by this time he and I are laughing horribly... he goes to get the lube so that he can probe for it and well... I'm so embarrassed that i just say please Master can ummmm I try to get it first? He lets me and I'm very relieved... i go to the bathroom and start my search... This I think is going to be our private joke for a very very very very long time. I find it... and thank god that lil toy has that ring it was easy to at least get that part out then ofc I worked the other part out and all was right with my world again.... Ruff sex with a butt plug in... Oh My GOD! I'm still laughing and I know that everyone that is into an alternative life style such as this or even mildly kinky has these stories... but wow was i horrified lol.

Well i asked Master last night if 2 times a week can we go to the gym... well he had a better idea. He is in the military he suggested since he has pt every day at 545 am... that on days I want to go to the gym he can drop me off at the gym on base whil e he is at pt. I really need to get back in shape so i ofc ran with his suggestion and said ok then how about every morning I go with you and work out every work day. I've lost a lot of weight over the years but i still have some stubborn areas and although Master never makes me feel unsexy ... I make myself feel unsexy. I know that i get heads turned around in public...hell even when i was way bigger i did... I think i'm packed full of pheramones though hahaha... cuz i never really considered myself to be all that in the looks dept..and i've never been deemed as more than "cute" sept by Master. But cute seems to be his fave descript for me lol. Ofc the wanting to get into shape isn't just for me... I want my Master to look at me and say wow I have the whole package... he says that now... but i want him to be like WOW about it... not just wow i'm a lucky man to have a good sub slut that loves to service her Master, cook for him be a great house wife and looks cute but she is chunky... I want the kind of WOW that sends chills down a spine hahahaha. I know i'm never gonna be perfect... I wouldn't expect that of myself anyways but I do want to get to where I should be.

Okies this is all for now but there will be more to come ofc.

Master is back from his trip to florida

2007-09-16T20:30:46Z

Yay! No longer alone. 3 days felt more like a whole week... it felt like forever! I'm still settling back into the 24 and 7 lifestyle. Still have my moments where I'll say things like "I'll let you"... Of course its one of those adhd moments where my mouth opens way faster than the actual thought was processed, but I'm learning. Got a damn good spankin last night maybe it wasn't punishment for how saucy I was in the restaurant on the way home but it was a delicious play/punishment nonetheless.

Ok, so events leading up to him pounding the hell out of my pussy as well as the nice spankin...

He was in Florida for 3 days and I had to pick him up at the airport on Saturday the 15th at 6:10 pm was the arrival of his plane. I laid out an outfit on the bed. Jeans and a tight tank top. I took my shower... freshly shaved... I looked at the jeans and then reconsidered. Master loves skirts and has made it a point to inform me a lot. I went for a nice black short skirt and my brown leather strappy heels. I drove and waited for him patiently. The look on his face when he saw me ... I knew i'd made the right choice and I even got a good girl out of it! I love when he says that, makes me warm all the way down to my toes. Ok so, with how open I am to speak about this in internet form... or what a complete and utter whore that I am at home... I'm mortified at him groping or probing his fingers in the "private areas" in public. We went to a restaurant on the way home so that the rest of the night i wouldn't be cleaning and would be free to service him w/out slacking on house duties. He slides his hand under my bottom and there it went crimson face. I think he loves how embarrassed I get. But you know one of the things that primed me so well for being a house slut is the way I was raised traditional Sicilian/spanish. It just isn't proper to be a whore in public and should only do it in the privacy of home... Now don't get me wrong i love a good romp out in nature but u know how easy it is to find a desolate place where no one is around? I wanted a cigarette really bad before we left because I knew that with him going a few days without being serviced that as soon as we got in the house I would be bent over or something. I said Master can I please get a cigarette before we leave I'll even let you grope me as much as you want while i'm smoking... Doh! Not exactly the best wording, he grabbed my ear between his teeth and pulled back leading my head towards him more as he whispered something like "you'll LET me?" I knew I'd fucked up them. I sputtered out quickly that what I meant was if he did that I would try to be a good girl and not squirm as much or bitch at all. I was a good girl and kept my promise although I couldn't keep from blushing the whole time. I'm so bashful in public.

In the car he instructs me to spread my legs and he lifts up the skirt. I had to say it... I was like wow now THAT feels lady like as I giggled. He just laughed and shook his head at me a few times. :) Of course I was right as soon as we got in the door it was time to service his needs. He grabbed and groped at me roughly and gently both Touching all that belongs to him. He ordered me to my knees and changed to my at home collar then went for my leash. I'm sure everyone knows what happened after all that ;) YUMMY

I do need to comment on the last part of the servicing... 3 days of master keeping all that cum in... HOLY shit when he was about to come he said open your mouth and he finished off by stroking his cum into my mouth and all over my tummy. When he was done i was drenched i rubbed for a few min on my tummy rubbing all of the cum into it and it took awhile.. he'd also filled my mouth 1/4 of the way with cum and my face was soaked it was in my hair and a pool of it at the base of my neck. I looked more like multiple men wacked off on me instead of just 1..... WOW I felt like such a good lil cum slut... nothing like that feeling ;)

Ok I have more to write but Master wants me to play a game with him so I will come back later on.

WOOT!!!

2007-09-14T21:16:46Z

Ok I know its been ages since I posted but here I am back again. Finally!! Finally I am with my Master. He married me now... so I'm definately officially on paper owned ;). He's amazing I love being with him and although he spoils me and suffers through my lil rebellious episodes (which i believe he loves anyways... he doesn't need an excuse to spank/punish me but its more delicious when i deserve it I think ;) It's been a long time since I have submitted to a Master on a 24 7 scale. Of course i'm going through some adjustments. I'm so used to my freedom that i've had over the past time that now sometimes he will say no to something I have always taken for granted and i feel that fire burn in my eyes. God I'm so saucy. But of course with training that will eventually subside. I just need to relearn my place. I don't know how I lucked out to find a Master like mine but I'm in absolute heaven. He loves my cooking and how i take care of the house so I take great pride in it. I work at the house and spoiling him like I would if i was working my 50-70 hours a week like I was doing at some jobs. I get more satisfaction out of this though. It makes me feel so good inside to know I'm taking such good care of his needs... sexual... house wise... and his belly. I will tell you one thing though... My Butt still hurts!!! I had forgotten how the butt reacts to something put in it... God how long does it take for those muscles to stop having a mind of their own. He's "big" to me even when he puts it in my pussy so you can only imagine how it feels when that "monster" goes into the anal area...ROUCH... my muscles all tighten up and say noooooooooooooo nooooooooooo you can't go there please no no no. I want to be a good girl for him though and he loves anal so I'm trooping it out.

As open as I am online... in public I'm such a complete different creature. I get embarrassed so easy. The other day we went to an adult toy store to get some "supplies" I was blushing the whole time. I think he got pleasure out of watching me squirm as he told me to get one of the paddles and hold onto it through the whole store while we looked at movies and stuff. I relaxed a bit after awhile and even pointed out some sexy looking videos. I even started to play with the paddle a bit ;). I was so proud i even grinned at the clerk as i handed it over to him to ring it up ;). By the way the first few spanks with that thing... he didn't know his own strength i think he was used to hand spankings... Zomg i felt tears well up in my eyes, ha ha. Damn I love him!!!

Stay tuned for more I'm sure that now that I'm here with him he will make sure that I post more and tell everyone what a good/bad slut I have been.

XXXOOOO
Shai

hot wax and a candle ^^

2007-07-16T07:33:31Z

[12:26] masterdeaus: Your new task for the day then is hot wax. I want you to spend about 20 minutes playing with yourself, and towards the end get your inner thighs and the outside of your pussy covered in hot wax from the candle. You arent allowed to get yourself off for that. After youre good and wound up, I want you to fuck your ass with the candle and use the vib to get yourself off.

ok now hot wax on the pussy with cheap candles... *cries. inner thighs weren't really a picnic either... lol but I did get off woot :) mmm mmmm good thank you Master ;)

Toy Task yummeh!!

2007-07-15T14:38:34Z

[12:54] masterdeaus: your task for the day is gonna be a little vibe play, pet. I want you to fuck yourself with it slow and deep on the low setting. work yourself up. When you get close to cumming the first two times, stop and just squeeze the vibe as hard as you can with your pussy till it passes. When you feel it coming the 3rd time, get yourself off as hard as you can and keep going for as long as you can.

MMM I love the yummy play tasks like this. I did this before I went to bed on Saturday. I was so exhausted when i finished i slept all the way to 9 am Sunday and I went to bed at 5pm on saturday or somewhere around tht time.

I have a new fever and god i'm a horrible sub/slave i'm baring it all today

2007-07-14T16:33:03Z

Ever since My Master had me write those stories on the beast forum I just can't seem to get enough. I am writing day and night now. The damnest thing about all this. The fact that these readers are telling me my stories are making them so hot that they Masterbate and cum to reading my stuff it just makes me eat it up. I just find it completely intoxicating to hear that my words... the passion I pour into text moves someone to touch themselves. I felt i needed a reality check though so, One of the people here on Live Journal that i'm trying to forge a new friendship with, when they get the time out of their hectic life and their husband well the point is is i'm starting to work on a book and I sent them the first 7 pages of it. I asked for an honest opinion. From what i've seen in her posts I honestly think that she was the best choice to send it to for an honest opinion instead of posting it in a medium where everyone is horny all of the time and probably would masterbate if they just heard the word sex. I don't mean to sound cold when I say that but face it. On a bulletin specifically regarding a sexual topic probably anything would sound hot to them. Considering the fact that I'm considering seriously writing again I want a reality check. I want to know if there is a possiblity that I might have what it takes from a party that is neither a close friend of mine that would just say something is excellent because they dont' want to hurt my feelings nor a party that is just extremly horny and the wind blowing would make them think that my words are extremly excellent. I'm hoping that her and her Master will get the time to look at my work. Of course realistically speaking I do know that i need to brush up on my grammar and punctuation. Its been years since i've been in school and the online game i play certainly hasn't helped my spelling nor my grammar much we usually shorten everything, have made up words, and spelling and typonese run rampant there for about 5 years of me playing that game.

Lol, i'm actually a little afraid of the honest truth about my current storyline of the book i'm working on however... I do need honest truth and to know if my confidence in what i'm writing is only a bi-product of close friends and horny people preening my ego or if i do have a raw talent that I can hone and develop into a true author's talent. When I was 15 I actually did get a narrative and some poetry published but that was ages ago. Maybe I've lost that touch I used to have and the compliments from beast forum have just simply gone to my head. I suppose it isn't necessarily a bad thing that this has picked up my ego and gave me a new direction. But if i'm going to spend enough time to write a book then I have to have a realistic view. I'm babbling now. I guess i'm a little bit nervous I suppose. Of course no matter what I'll continue to write the stories on the forum because I have a blast doing it. If the honest opinion is that well... I don't think it's really stuff that will grab a reader I won't be upset. Writing has always been an outlet for me. Ok enough about all that hehe.

I guess I just wait and see what her and her Master think :). I like to write horror stuff the most but lately with the writing the erotic literature... it impassions me. Damn I wish my Master wasn't so far away last night i couldn't get the picture out of my mind that i just wanted to get on top of him and slowly ride his cock. Worship him with my pussy slowly and an agonizingly sweet rhythm. I miss him so much and can't wait till the next time I see him. I bet when that day comes i can't walk for a few days after and I will love every bit of that pain. Every time I make an agonizing movement it will burn my cheeks red in embarrassment in public because deep down I'll know that everyone is looking at me thinking yeah she got fucked really good. ^^ I'm making myself blush even now thinking about it. Of course the sicko that I am... I've always loved forced sex/rape scene kind of play and my Master knows this. We already have it planned that I"m going to be "raped" for the first 24 hours of when we finally get to be together. Gagged and tied up and used. So chances are i'm gonna hurt so bad the next day, and the thought of it all makes me smile deep down within my soul. I love it when Master takes me that way. It lets me know that I am his. My mind, my body, my whole being inside and out.

Ok so this brings me to bring up a discussion. And I hope some read this and will give me some honest input on this here. Ok so I told my Master from the beginning that if he wanted me to get it on with a woman so that he could watch even though I'm not bi i'd be willing to do that. But that I don't want his cock in another woman. I feel like that is my cock to worship. Now I also now that if he had a very close friend he trusted that he would like for me to let him and a friend Double penetrate me. It is something that gets him really hot. I asked him... you wouldn't feel jealous for another man to put his cock inside what you own? Your property? He said not he wouldnt look at it that way. He'd view the other person like using a sex toy. I told him well if you really think that it would really turn you on that much I might be persuaded to try it for you, but I also told him it made me feel like a fucking hypocrit and stupid that I'd cave in to that desire but i'd still not want him to put My cock to worship in another slut. Why am I willing to cave into to one and not the other? Is it my insecurities. Why do i feel deep down that if Master puts his cock in another woman that it will feel like to me that I'm not enough for him. Am I being stupid about this? Does this make me a hypocrit. But you know what makes me feel the worst about the whole situation is that Master tells me if I feel that strongly about it, he's ok with it and he understands. He really is so wonderful. He's always so willing to explore and try to fullfill all of my fantasies. But here I am holding back on something that is a fantasy/turn on for him. Does this make me a bad slave/sub? Are my hesitations for the 3some with another female only my insecurities? Does it mean that I don't trust him when I know deep down I should and that he would never ever hurt me? Because I really do know I can' trust him to never hurt me or scar me both physically and emotionally. I mean just the fact that when i admitted what a hypocrit i sound like when i say yeah i'll cave to you wanting to do a 3some with a guy friend of yours, but i don't want you to put your cock in another woman for a 3some... i mean really it does sound bad but his exact words were :

[23:53] doreihime: well i might warm up to the guy with me with u there too but i still dont' think i could stomach your cock in another woman...so that makes me feel like an unfair hypocrit lol
[23:53] masterdeaus: ya, a bit =p
[23:53] masterdeaus: but doesnt bother me

He loves me enough to where no matter how silly my insecurties or fears are what I am willing for is enough for him. I know i'm lcuky because he really gets me and doesn't push me for something no matter how mad he really wants something to happen. But when he knows that I just need a shove in the right direction and its something that i'm capable of and just balking he pushes me to over come it. How does he know me so well to know what i really can't handle and when I just need a Master's hand to guide me through something. He never ceases to amzae me with how well he gets me.

Ok so here is the kicker something that only he and Bill and Kat know. I'm going to let a little insight into my first experience with BDsM was. I ran away from home at an early age. I initially started seeing a married man although i didn't know it right away. Bill and Kat offered me a home when I was basically living on the streets. The dating bill at first part is unimportant. But he lured me into being his and his wife's pet. I belonged to a couple. I wasn't even sure how it happened but they really broke me into a true slave. I was forced to perform at parties, forced to service the dogs, forceed to service multilple guests at parties. I was a slave I had NO choices. I had a cage I was put in a lot. The first part of my enslavement I did love them and they had made me theirs in everyway. eventually though Kat became cruel. She started to ruthlessly beat me over things i was even told to do. When i tried to run away the first time Kat was so furious with me she arrange for a vacation in Mexico. led me around by a collar. I was chained up at night so I wouldn't be able to escape. The last day of our vacation Kat and Bill took me to a donkey show. Kat disappeared and apparently talked to the man that owned the hooker that the donkey fucks. She arranged for me to be taken to a private tent where Kat told me that she wanted to give me a taste of what would become of me if I ever tried to run away again. I was held and tied and they allowed me to be raped by a donkey. I was told that would be my life if I ever tried to run away ever again that they would bring me down here and sell me to someone running a donkey show. It was extremely painful. I was very very frightened. I of course swore that i'd never ever try to run away ever again. I bided my time. Sometimes Bill and Kat would allow some of their friends to take me home with them for a weekend. When they let one of them take me home and he passed out drunk without remembering to chain me up. I ran. Thankfully they never found me. There are things they did to me that i consider to painful to speak of. And this horrific amazing tale is actually true as crazy as it sounds.

My Master is the only person other than you guys now and bill and kat and 2 woment that my Master knows really well. I think Master doesn't understand how I don't want him to put his cock in another woman considering how things were with Bill and Kat. And I understand how he doesn't understand... it really isn't something I understand either. I don't know why I feel so strongly about this. But i know I love him and want to please him more than anything as well. I'm just so torn about this. I did tell him maybe we just have to wait and see if maybe after we are togehter for a long time if maybe my insecurities will melt away. I can't punish him for what Kat and Bill did to me or ex boyfriends. Right? God I think this is the hardest thing that i've put out there in this damn Journal I really hope that people read this and help me struggle though this mud that clouds my brain.

Wow I can't believe that i just spit all of that out. And please no one look down on my Master on this because he's nothing but wonderful and these are just fantasies that he tells me he'd like to make a reality with me as a part of them. He's an incredible man and Master and he does except for certain duties that are expected of me hold my feelings high in regard.- anyways after dropping that bombshell here in my journal today i must bid you all goodnight its almost noon and I stayed up way too long lol.

no task today :O

2007-07-13T19:37:24Z

You know i haven't had the tsks very long but it has been something I've been looking forward to do daily... No task today *cries. Master must have been busy today or maybe he just didn't feel like giving me one, I suppose that is his perogative as well. Doesn't mean I have to like it though hahah... Just means i have to lump it and deal.

A task for embarrassment at its best *blush

2007-07-12T18:13:24Z

Master Bill: your task for the day is to go to the store. once you get there and youre still in the car, put the candle in your pussy. Go into the store, and when no one is looking, play with it a little
Master Bill: buy something and leave
Master Bill: when you get home, you can get yourself off as a reward

I parked in the parking lot and slid the candle into my pussy someone was parked next to me but i'm pretty sure they couldn't see what i was doing. I walked slowly into the store feeling the candle move around inside of my pussy with each step that i made. I walked back to the electronics section where i couldn't see anyone but I'm pretty sure they have cameras, I'm hoping that no one is looking at the moment as i reach down my pants and start to play with the candle inside of my pussy. Just as I was about to remove my hand a young guy comes up behind me "Can I help you Ma'amm?" I quickly removed my hand and acted like I was trying to adjust my baggy jeans, but I was blushing furiously as I told him no thanks. I then walked slowly to the front of the store and bought a pack of gum. I could feel how wet all of it was making me. I went to the car and then drove home. It only took me about 30 seconds to get off. Wow I am still blushing.

I wonder if ...

2007-07-11T20:10:07Z

master Bill: Your task for the day is to write for at least an hour with the candle inside your pussy. and write good.

Hmmm that doesn't sound like i'm allowed to cum today. :O

Doesn't say I can't either though... best not too I don't need to get myself in trouble. Heh.

I've been writing like mad lately. It's almost like I'm consumed by a burning desire to flood pages with my imagination and thoughts. I was doing the two stories on beastforum.com one called Enslaved and Violated and the other called Second Chance. http://www.beastforum.com/showtopic-108375.html and http://www.beastforum.com/showtopic-108483.html warning though if you don't want to read about a girl being forced to have sex with animals you don't want to read this.

They don't seem to be enough for me anymore, the small stories. Now i'm working on an actual book. I'm drawn to the abduction/forced slavery topic lately don't know why but it along with the desire to write burns from deep within. Well off to do my yummy task along with continuing some more writing.

Awww I missed out on task cuz of being sick *cries

2007-07-11T01:33:13Z

shai: i need a task Master
shai: ;)
shai: you should give me 2 for tonight/tomorrow since i was sick and you thought i wasn't coming back lol
Master Bill: lol
shai: :D
Master Bill: dont pass out anymore
shai: if you want to that is
shai: give me two that is
shai: uh oh i'm doing it again lol
shai: *whistles and tries to look innocent
shai: lol
shai: bad girl
shai: ^^
shai: *begggggggggggggggs please
shai: ^^
shai: see i beg so good
Master Bill: lol

I'm too saucy sometimes i know... maybe its just that i really would like a spanking or a punishment. I've got the wildest lil onery streak I swear. If me and Master were together right now i'd prolly not be able to sit on my ass lol. Maybe I just like to push the envelope because I want him to push me as far as i'm able to go. He does push me to better myself in everyway...not even just submission. Right now he is actually telling me i have a talent for writing...he just looked at my stories on beastforum.com. Someone there told me i should write a book of stories. I told Master that i have thought about being a writer as a career. He would support me in that if i wanted to go there. Not many would stand behind an artist type career because they aren't necessarily reliable. I'm fortunate I know that I have a Master like him even if we are geographically separated for the time being. As lonely as I feel without him here he still finds ways to touch my heart.

I was reading one of kayas posts it seems like although she is more on the extreme wants for s & m that she does similar things. It's nice to know i'm not the only one that likes to get the punishment side too ;) Kaya actually has been a new inspiration on me. I respect her and her views a lot.

Yay we discussing trying to lower the amount of time we will be separated by geography!! woot I miss him soo much.

Of course only my Master and I knows what this means but, it looks like we might do a "means to an end action" to hurry this process up. I'm happy if we do it because being away from him is like torture. I've loved him for many years now. He's a wonderful man and probably the only man in existence that I believe can truly dominate me. I'm high spirited and it takes a strong hand/man to tame my beast side.

Hmmm he still not give me a task for today... bah guess i did miss out.. poopoo. Ahh well maybe he'll give me a really really good one for tomorrow hehe.

MMM keep it coming Master ;)

2007-07-09T06:59:07Z

Today's task:

Bill: Since you were such a good girl today, your next task is going to be to work some of that tension out of your pussy. Fuck your slit with the thin candle at first till you've cum a few times, then put the mid sized candle in. Put it in at 6:30pm my time and do NOT take it out for any reason, except if you have to leave for work.
William Crowe: While the mid sized candle is in, you're to work on your story on the forum

Well I did finish my story on the beastforum as well as started another one, I'm having a lot of fun with that. I also had to improvise on the medium candle thing and had to wash a hairspray bottle that was similar size and use that... the cats chewed up all the candles :( bad kitties... But I did follow the instructions and god it felt so good to cum by the way... A whole day of not cumming is torture *whimpers

Somedays i wish i didn't have to wake up :O work sucks

2007-07-08T17:08:41Z

You know... my job sucks. I wish they'd just pay me double pay and send the lazy asses where i work home... If i'm going to do all the work myself might as well get paid for it ;). Enough about that now to something that cheers me up...

New task today but still owe for the other task:
Bill: Your task for the day is to play with your clit and nipples, without penetrating your pussy or cumming. Keggels before and after, and have those stories ready.

At first i was reading and I thought woohoo easy day... till i saw the no cumming... OMG *cries. I'm usually so horney I masterbate at least 7 times a day... today will be ruff heh. But when you love there is always sacrifice... i guess i'm sacrificing orgasms today.... *sniffles

Yeah... once Master and I are together... either imma be gagged a lot or have a perma red ass...

vixxy: What are you doing Master
Bill: not much
Bill: just sitting here being hungry
Bill: waiting for a half hour to go by so i can buy some food
vixxy: i got something u can eat here if u want
vixxy:
vixxy: ooops did i say that out loud?
vixxy: lol
Bill: *spanks you
vixxy: mmmmm more please

I can already see all the trouble imma be in... yikes

Ok so even though I've lost a lot of weight in the past 2 years I still need to lose more for myself to be happy and of course Master would like me to be fit and in shape as well, so even though I'm exercising on my own... Master wanted to officially tell me it is part of all daily tasks to do exercises. Anything that won't give me an asthma attack :)

Ok for the stories already listed one here ... here is the second story :
A girl wants to get a great dane but can't afford how much it costs... a breeder offers to her if she trains his dogs a few times he will take money off so she can afford a great dane of his... when she goes there she finds out training entails having sex with 16 dogs... 2 at a time... she really gets into it... later they offer her the chance to have a dane in a week if she will let them film her ... they get like 40 dogs and have it a big orgy she is the only fem there... after all the dogs take her the breeder and dog handlers have a go at her... hot story...

I told Master that a lot of the stories really sucked there so I'm gonna write a story and post it there. He was very pleased with that idea.

I might post it in my blog too we shall see.

task and illness

2007-07-08T02:01:35Z

The other night i was given a new task to be done. Master wants me to go to http://www.beastforum.com/ and find 2-3 good stories. I've found 1 so far was about a woman that was told to come to a man's house and when she gets there she is made into a dog slave... she is given a foxtail anal plug to wear and services his dog duke only... One day he leaves her too long and she had an accident on the floor and he punishes her for it and kicks her out of the house... His imposed slavery on her for a week affected her so much she still felt an emptiness inside and found herself following a guy with a dog and then ending up back in another slavery situation. It was a wonderfully written story. The name of it is You'll do nicely. I still need to find at least one more story that I like. I asked Master for an extension...

vixxy: can i have an extension by the way for my task i'm having trouble finding more than that one story that i like Master
vixxy: and with being sick and sleeping so much today..
Bill: Of course. Sleeping is always an excuse for not doing what youre told
Bill: I'm gonna beat yer ass for it, but sure ;p
vixxy: well i wanted to find more better stories lol but if it like that then i have 2 to tell you
Bill: find the stories you like babe =p

Well guess that means i get an extension... eeek a butt whoopin though... hard to be sick and fullfill my duties... can't wait till i can get my toofers worked on. Will post more tomorrow along with probably a new task ^^